So at one point, ive come to notice that i dont care anymore. I dont care about them worrying, them staying up, them hurting…i dont care about the threats they’ve told me or the many restrictions they’ve put onto me. I’ve heard so much of it all that I have become immune to all of it…but honestly, on some level, i still do care. I care so much and thats one thing i hate about myself, that i care -_- i wish i didnt care because that way, i wouldnt have that fear anymore. But then again, they are family and what could you do without family? I just hate how they’re pushing me away without even noticing it.

I know you care. I know your trying to look out for us..but the more you keep pushing and forcing to be closer, the more your really pushing me away. You cant force anyone in feeling any certain way or can you even force a bondess..it just comes with the time spent on your own free will. i wish you could see that..b/c once i have the chance to move out, ill take that.

its true, i have changed. ive become someone different, but i think its part of growing up..changing &experincing diff moments..parents can only do so much. they cant always protect u frm everything in this world. they can only guide u…but theres two outcomes to that..either u can accept it or reject it…&my feel on this whole overtaking of someone’s life is rejection.

i care bout u..but if i see the other one, he makes me feel it again..i cant see him, i cant be around me. he’s no good for me &wat i have no is legit. i cant screw this up, not again -_-

scared for something new..always wanted it, but not sure how to handle it. idk, i dont want to admit it jst yet, at least outloud…im thinkin of denying it some more so i dont feel that way

he made me feel somethin for a while, now its jst a game. i usd to really care but now its dwindling. its all a game now &not much feelings are involved. im jst glad that ive become less attached..

OK so ive been telling myself over and over..im over him. Its been 5 months &i thought i was over him right?? i look at the pics again and my heart drops. i start remembering why i even cared that much about you &what attracted me in the first place. i started to remember your voice &how you were w/ me. you need to leavee!

So why it that whenever it seems like you finally found someone different, they really arent? Why is it that when you finally have those feelings for someone, they screw you over and do you wrong? How come people find people who are unattainble sexy? Fuck it tho. No one deserves to be treated like a toy or a plaything. But then again, it is nature in us to want things that we can’t have. Just seems like we hurt other people in the end for not wanting them in return or vice versa. I’ve learned a big lesson tho. Guys will be guys; shouldn’t give them the benefit of the doubt.

I usd to wonder how he cud do that to me..now i do it but my excuse is, i nevr had deep feelings for any of them like u supposdly had..

PS. i think im really srting to move on frm him. Im pretty sure if i see him, it might come bk tho…but i want to see him. i miss my friend. i miss the guy who i cud talk to &make me feel safe. But as of ryt now, i barely feel anything for him which ive been wanting for the longest time. Its been too long since uve had this grip on me &finally, it seems like its loosening.

i dnt like him. i noe i make it seem like that, but then agen, i can make a lot of things look a certain way. i dnt have the strongest feelings for this person, jst plain infatuation. Period.

We’ve been selfish. I’ve been selfish. I need to stop &step up. She needs help &i should be doing something.

i noe i dnt get attached. in fact, i seem very unattached. at times, it looks like i dnt give a shit. it seems like i move on fast; it seems like i really cud care less…&sometimes thats true. but on rare moments, i really do care. once i become attached, its not that easy for me to get unattached. fuck, im attached to him -_- not physically apprently, jst emotionally. doesnt look like it but i am. ugh

Guys are like tools…or maybe even toys. Either way, you can take it out of its case &use it. They’re out there for you to use, to play w/, to occupy your time. Sometimes they’ll break, but you can always replace them. There are however, very few that you can actually keep &wont break down.I want that kind!

We limit ourselves w/ fears;we keep ourselves contained in thought that we might make fools of ourselves. We don’t strive for our best b/c we might fail so ‘wats trying?’ going to do? We contemplate on whether or not to do it &at end result, we decide against it b/c maybe its better not to look stupid than to take chances. We take steps everyday avoiding the cracks &the things that might us fall &look stupid. We often dont challenge ourselves b/c we dont think its worth the try. At times of quietness, we contemplate on whether or not to take that chance &maybe start believing that one day, if you take that leap of courage &step out&do something different, it might be worth it. Well i say, take that chance. Step out of your zone &challenge even your own comfort. Take chances &make mistakes. Look like a fool if you must; make that one mistake that might make everything worthwhile. Talk to that one person you’ve been thinking about but too scared to be denied, test your knowledge &see how far it takes you; jump a cliff& see where you land. Make life worth every mistake you make b/c you don’t want to be lying in bed one day &think, “mann..i wish i had enough courage to do all of that” b/c currently, that is exactly how i am feeling.